If you haven't already (or even if you have)

Please, please consider donating to Haitian relief. We all know it's happening, and we all know it's bad. This morning aftershock rated at 6.1 on the Richter scale rolled through an already devastated country.

These people really need us, and even the smallest donation on our part can go much further than we could ever expect. Reach out.

If you choose to donate online, please ensure that you're giving on a secure site. The key difference:

http:// is not secure

https:// is secure

That one little s is very important. Here are a couple organizations accepting online donations.

Canadian Red Cross

World Vision Canada

Free The Children, accepting donations in both Canadian and American funds

Please remember when you give that the Canadian government is matching every dollar donated in Canada. Your $5 is really $10. Your $25 is really $50. Your $100 is really $200.

We can do this. We can help them.

In the meantime

I can use all these months of waiting to knit! I started learning last summer, and I've finally graduated from rectangles (read: scarves) to more complicated projects.

I'm amazed at how addictive this hobby can be!

The thing about grief.

It's been about a week and a half since I last posted, and a lot has happened in my life since then - all family-building related.

I'm not even sure I feel like putting it all down in words. I think that I don't, but I do feel like I need to mark it as a difficult time, if nothing else.

Many, many, MANY more roadblocks have been thrown down in front of us in the past 10 days. It's shocking to me how sometimes things can go from bad to worse and then to worse still, but here it is.

The kicker is that the dumbest, stupidest things ever can really just set you off down the road to tears with no notice. You can be happily going about your business when all of a sudden, completely out of nowhere, something otherwise seeming innocuous happens and you're reminded again of all you've lost.

I don't envy people who are in regular direct contact with people who are grieving. I can't imagine it's very fun, never knowing when something can suddenly make someone break down.

And I'm so tired of being so sad. I'm tired of being that person who can cry over nothing. I'm tired of being that person who can just suddenly bring everyone down. I'm tired of not being strong anymore. I'm tired of not knowing how to fix it, how to just be happy despite the shitty hand I've been dealt.

I'm tired of grieving. I wish I could stop.

Well, we may as well make ourselves comfortable.

We've officially been added to the queue of Ontario parents awaiting approval to adopt. It's going to be a bit of a stretch ahead of us. Thanks again to our friends at Imagine Adoption, whose director embezzled funds and screwed up hundreds of pending Ethiopian adoptions, the ministry is incredibly backlogged. In the fall we were told 6-8 weeks for approval. Then 12-13.

And now? *drumroll please*

Four months. Eep.

But that's okay. What's another four months in the grand scheme of things right? Right?

*sigh*

Am I a bad mom if I dress my kid in these?

Because I think they're hilarious.

"Why are you adopting?"

Over the past month, the husband and I have been spreading the news of our adoption plans on a larger scale. It's still not Facebook appropriate, but we've let our larger groups of friends and extended families in on what's up in our household. We figure this will take care of any questions about baby-proofed cabinets and the crib before people come over.

I've written a bit already about some of the reactions we've gotten. Many have been hilarious, many are 'things-that-make-you-go-hmmm'? But there's one question that we keep getting that we're still having trouble finding the right answer for:

"Why are you adopting?"

Now, don't get me wrong. We know exactly why we're adopting. We know the many reasons, some practical, most emotional, and others undefinable. For us, we know that right now this is the best way to build our family.

I know that adoption is the less common way of having children. I know most people get knocked up and grow babies in their bellies and it's just the way things are done. I know these things. So I get that people are probably a little less familiar with the decision to adopt. Even still, I find this question hilarious. What do you mean, 'why?' What kind of answer are you looking for? Do you ask people why they got pregnant? Probably not.

So every time we get asked this question, it still seems a little awkward. It is, of course, a very personal question. We're getting better, but it's still weird.

And then we have the follow-up questions:

"Ooooh is it because you *have* to adopt?"
What? Like, is there some requirement for us to adopt? No, we're doing it because we want to.

"So can I ask? Is it because you can't have children?"
No, you can't ask. Do you ask everyone about their fertility? Because that's going to make you 'that guy' at a party. The one who no one wants to hang out with.

"But don't you want any of your own?"
Sure do! And the one we adopt *will* be our own. That will be our child.

"Is it weird for you that your baby won't look like you?"
...really? I want a kid. Not a clone.

So.

The point of this post: if someone tells you they're adopting, don't ask them why. Because does it really matter why? Really? Or are you just being nosy - nosier than you'd be in any other situation?

And here's my answer, if you plan to ask why:

Because we want to. This is how we want to build our family. We're very excited to meet our baby.